A Few Lessons Learned from my Son

Tonight our 9 year old son, Stephen, was in a foul mood.  He didn't get what he wanted, so he was mad.  As I was putting him to bed I asked him “what’s the matter?” 

He proceeded to tell me that he was mad.  I asked, “why?” trying to figure it all out. He was mad at me!  I had no idea because I had hardly seen him all day and I had nothing to do with the fact (this time) that he didn't get what he wanted.  I asked him why he was mad at me and he proceeded to tell me that it was something I had done a couple of weeks ago.  Really?  I couldn't believe it! He’s been holding onto this hurt for all of this time and I had no idea why.  I remember an altercation we had a while back, but I thought it was over.  I remember apologizing and what I thought, reconciling with him, but it obviously hurt him very deeply and he wasn't over it yet. 

He was hurt because his Mom can have a very short temper at times.  I remember flat out yelling at him (and apologizing later) for spilling a pitcher of sweet tea on the floor.  I knew when the words were coming out of my mouth that it was wrong, but my inconvenienced anger got the best of me and I let it out.  So many times I get upset with the kids when the house is messy.  My anger flies and most of the time it becomes all their fault.  After all, they are the ones who don’t clean up after themselves. They are the ones who make messes in the kitchen and leave crumbs and plates where they shouldn't be.  Can’t they just get it right?  I mean, I've told them a thousand times!!

Honestly I've learned a lot from this.  One of the first things is, I need to change.  No, I’m not perfect, but if my son is holding on to hurts because of my lack of gentleness, I can’t just say “Well, that’s who I am” and get away with it.  God calls us to live a life that’s a reflection of Him and to GROW!  These actions do not bring Him glory, so I need to humble myself, get on my knees and ask God for his grace to change.

Another thing that I've learned is that words matter.  They matter a lot.  Not only do we need to watch what we say, we can’t just go day to day living life without encouraging our children, or others, for that matter.  People are under attack from the enemy constantly.  Our children are as well and they need our unconditional love and encouragement.  They need to hear that you are proud of them.  They need to hear that they have a great purpose and destiny and that they, indeed are good enough.  They need to hear that they are beautiful, and they need to be listened to and encouraged to pursue their dreams.  Just being silent is not good enough.  Everyone is drawn to someone who makes them feel good about themselves, so hopefully it’s us as parents. 

Another lesson is this:  my kids need to see me getting better.  They need to see me growing in Christ and overcoming my sin and weak areas.  They need to see that yes, I’m broken, but I’m also a powerful child of God with a purpose and destiny.  They need to see me overcome this.  It not only will help me, it will break a stronghold in their lives as well.  If I can overcome the sins that entangle me, it will empower them to take it even a step further.  If I can gain victory in my life over these things that have been passed down to me, then it’s one battle they probably won’t have to face…and if they do, they know without a doubt they can win.

My son doesn't need to be criticized for not keeping his room clean or just left alone to figure everything out for himself!  He is a child and needs my direction and encouragement and love!  My son needs to be reminded all the time who he is, and that no matter what happens, he is loved by us and most importantly by Jesus.  He is a child of the most High God.  He is more than a conqueror.  He is righteous.  He is strong.  He has the same power that rose Christ from the dead.  He can do all things! Greater is the one in him, than the one in the world.  I need to remind him of these truths so that when the enemy comes to lie about who he is, he will not believe it. I guess, though, for me to remind him, I need to know it in my heart, too.  After all, how can I give him something I don’t have?