Friendships…. Sitting here writing this brings me into such deep thoughts about the many, many friendships and various types of relationships I’ve had over the years of my life. I always thought of myself as this amazing friend to people, and I do think I’m a good friend, but so many times it’s come at a price before…a price that the other person never really knew they had to pay. I always felt a special drawing towards someone I wanted to be friends with, so I would, and still do, pursue and initiate a relationship with that person. I would write them notes, go out of my way for them and try to hang out with them as much as I possibly could. I would basically win this person over just by being overly nice to them. We’d become friends and have great times together, but the problem was that I would have certain expectations of them. Just last year God brought it to my heart that these friendships were yes, given to me by Him, but I seemed to manipulate them the way that I wanted them to go. I won that person over with all of my “giving” but what I really wanted in return was the feelings and generosity to be reciprocated. Because of a void in my life, I deeply yearned for their affection and approval. I cared more about what that person thought of me and being appreciated by them rather than being fully satisfied with what my Father thought of me. I cared more about pleasing that friend than I did about pleasing God. If they were coming over to my house, I’d make sure I had it looking the best I could for them, because I cared too much about what they thought of me. After all, I should be on top of everything, right? I guess my point is this: I need to be in a relationship/friendship like Jesus is in a relationship with me. Jesus is the ultimate friend. He loved me so much that He laid down HIS life for me…and expected nothing in return. That’s what true friendship is. It’s giving of yourself to be a blessing and an encouragement to the other person. It’s laying down your life for the other. When you lay down your life, you give away all rights to it. You die to yourself and what you want, and, like scripture says, “you consider others better than yourself.” I seemed to get that only halfway right because I was trying to bless the other person, however many times I cared more about receiving a blessing in return.
The enemy attempts at all costs to ruin relationships. Insecurity, even now, tries to creep into my heart when a friend doesn’t do something the way that I might. In my mind I constantly am hearing “that person doesn’t really want to be around you, that’s why they NEVER call…” or I’ll think to myself “they must not really like hanging out because they never seem to initiate or try to get together with me…I’m always the one asking!” All of these types of thoughts are straight from the devil because they are all focused on ME, and what’s in it for me. These are not outward focused, uplifting thoughts at all, but they always try to creep in and ruin a good relationship. All I know is that when I start thinking this way I start to feel depressed and hurt I start to feel angry at the other person, even when they didn’t do anything to me! I have to constantly remind myself that this person is a gift from God and they don’t owe me anything. It’s imperative to fight these thoughts from the enemy with the truth of God’s word. I need to focus on being the absolute best friend that I can be and trust God to take care of the rest. One of my favorite scriptures is Luke 6:38—“Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” All I know is the more I give in every area of my life, including my friendships, the more will be measured back to me! How exciting is that! Trusting God is so important. He is your ultimate best friend, and He is the only one we can really expect things from. He is always faithful and will never let you down…ever.
Friendship to me is nothing at all to be taken lightly. I believe that God places some people in our lives to be “good friends,” but there are others that are meant to be intimate friends…friends that we have covenant relationship with. Friends we lay down our lives for and encourage as much as possible. Friends we need to be there for when they call and need prayer at 2 in the morning. Friends who will tell you when you’re not living out God’s best for you, and won’t be afraid to hurt your feelings sometimes. These types of friends are truly gifts from God and are very few and far between, although they are definitely out there. I believe that God has this type of friendship for everyone…some probably just miss it for various reasons. Many times we are afraid of being vulnerable around others. We fear that if the person gets to know the “real me” they won’t really like me. This fear keeps us from experiencing great relationships… especially in the world we live in today. We are all so busy and focused on careers and just making ends meet that we don’t make the time to be with others and really get to know one another. We are so busy updating our facebook status, checking email, watching a thousand different channels or rushing the kids to soccer practice that we simply leave the friends out. Even the relationships in our immediate families are taking a hit with all the things we have going on these days. Where sitting around a dinner table every night was a main part of the day not too many years ago, now dinner is eaten many days of the week on the way home from somewhere else.
Basically, my point is this…God wants us to be friends…and not just friends, but intimate friends who genuinely love each other and are committed to one another. God wants us to be like Jesus and lay down our lives for each other…God wants us to give freely of ourselves, not expecting anything in return, and not being afraid of being rejected. That’s exactly what Jesus did, and still does…every single moment of every single day…Don’t be afraid to give part of your heart to someone that God gives to you…remember, “give and it WILL be given to you!” Most importantly, God wants you to be this type of intimate friend with Him first!
