It’s funny how we think we know what we need in life. The thing is, most of the time we don’t. We think we know what we can or can’t handle,
what we want or don’t want and what will bring us joy in our lives. I have to say that it is not I but God who always
knows best. We spend so much of our
lives in a control mode that most of the time we don’t even ask God what it is
that He has for us. Sometimes He just
has to hit us over the head with it, and sometimes even then we push away what
He’s trying to give to us.
The past few years have been a very interesting time for me. I had no idea that my life would radically
change 16 months ago when God added a new member to our family, Allie.
I was so shocked when I learned that I was going to have her…I even
cried for about 3 months straight. It
was not an easy time for me at all, considering that I’m really NOT a kid/baby
type person. I love it when they get
older, but I never really know how to handle little kids very well. I kept playing the difficult scenarios over
and over in my mind…sleepless nights, temper tantrums, potty training, and all
of the fun stuff that comes along with having a young child. I thought I was
done with diapers. I was not wanting this at all—But God had a different
plan. A plan that included one of the
most heart warming, beautiful gifts that has ever been given to me. A gift that, at that time, I didn’t
want. That gift was my surprise
daughter, Allie.
Can I just say that this girl has changed my life? I don’t ever remember enjoying my children as
much at this age as I do her. Maybe I’m
just older and know what a blessing she is.
Maybe I know she’s my last. Or
maybe God gave me a second chance to enjoy a season of my children’s lives that
I rushed past the first 3 go rounds. I
don’t know, but she’s such a joy in my life.
She makes me smile so much, and for that, I’m so grateful. I can’t even
bear to imagine what my life would be like without her now.
Thinking about her makes me wonder how many other gifts God
gives me that I simply don’t accept because I don’t feel like it….or maybe I’ve
defined myself in a way that excludes the very thing that God is trying to do
in my life to bless me. I remember
saying a couple of years ago over and over… “I’m not a kid person. There’s no way I could ever watch children or
work with kids.” Literally, just a few
months later God put it on my heart to watch 2 children at my home. And, while I was watching them, I found out
that I was pregnant with number 4. God
always knows what He’s doing.
How many people or opportunities have I pushed away that
might be just the answer to a hurt inside of me that needs healing, simply
because I don’t feel like opening up?
How many walls have I erected around my heart not letting others in to
see the real me, in fear that they won’t really like who I am?
I could’ve continued to be upset with the fact that I was
having another baby and resented Allie for the rest of my life. I could’ve been angry with God for giving me
another child to take care of which, in turn, “ruined my plans.” But, instead, I allowed God to change my
heart. Yes, it took time…lots of time,
but the very thing that I thought I never wanted was exactly the gift God gave
me to show me His great love for me.
Maybe God is trying to bless you with a gift that you just
keep pushing away?
Maybe that gift is Jesus.
Maybe a friend. Maybe He’s trying
to bless you with a new ministry but you’ve been so hurt by something else that
you’re not even listening to Him.
Let me encourage you…keep your heart soft towards God. He will bless you in ways that you can’t even
dream of if you’ll just let Him. Just
look at my gift…What a treasure!
