A Few Lessons Learned from my Son

Tonight our 9 year old son, Stephen, was in a foul mood.  He didn't get what he wanted, so he was mad.  As I was putting him to bed I asked him “what’s the matter?” 

He proceeded to tell me that he was mad.  I asked, “why?” trying to figure it all out. He was mad at me!  I had no idea because I had hardly seen him all day and I had nothing to do with the fact (this time) that he didn't get what he wanted.  I asked him why he was mad at me and he proceeded to tell me that it was something I had done a couple of weeks ago.  Really?  I couldn't believe it! He’s been holding onto this hurt for all of this time and I had no idea why.  I remember an altercation we had a while back, but I thought it was over.  I remember apologizing and what I thought, reconciling with him, but it obviously hurt him very deeply and he wasn't over it yet. 

He was hurt because his Mom can have a very short temper at times.  I remember flat out yelling at him (and apologizing later) for spilling a pitcher of sweet tea on the floor.  I knew when the words were coming out of my mouth that it was wrong, but my inconvenienced anger got the best of me and I let it out.  So many times I get upset with the kids when the house is messy.  My anger flies and most of the time it becomes all their fault.  After all, they are the ones who don’t clean up after themselves. They are the ones who make messes in the kitchen and leave crumbs and plates where they shouldn't be.  Can’t they just get it right?  I mean, I've told them a thousand times!!

Honestly I've learned a lot from this.  One of the first things is, I need to change.  No, I’m not perfect, but if my son is holding on to hurts because of my lack of gentleness, I can’t just say “Well, that’s who I am” and get away with it.  God calls us to live a life that’s a reflection of Him and to GROW!  These actions do not bring Him glory, so I need to humble myself, get on my knees and ask God for his grace to change.

Another thing that I've learned is that words matter.  They matter a lot.  Not only do we need to watch what we say, we can’t just go day to day living life without encouraging our children, or others, for that matter.  People are under attack from the enemy constantly.  Our children are as well and they need our unconditional love and encouragement.  They need to hear that you are proud of them.  They need to hear that they have a great purpose and destiny and that they, indeed are good enough.  They need to hear that they are beautiful, and they need to be listened to and encouraged to pursue their dreams.  Just being silent is not good enough.  Everyone is drawn to someone who makes them feel good about themselves, so hopefully it’s us as parents. 

Another lesson is this:  my kids need to see me getting better.  They need to see me growing in Christ and overcoming my sin and weak areas.  They need to see that yes, I’m broken, but I’m also a powerful child of God with a purpose and destiny.  They need to see me overcome this.  It not only will help me, it will break a stronghold in their lives as well.  If I can overcome the sins that entangle me, it will empower them to take it even a step further.  If I can gain victory in my life over these things that have been passed down to me, then it’s one battle they probably won’t have to face…and if they do, they know without a doubt they can win.

My son doesn't need to be criticized for not keeping his room clean or just left alone to figure everything out for himself!  He is a child and needs my direction and encouragement and love!  My son needs to be reminded all the time who he is, and that no matter what happens, he is loved by us and most importantly by Jesus.  He is a child of the most High God.  He is more than a conqueror.  He is righteous.  He is strong.  He has the same power that rose Christ from the dead.  He can do all things! Greater is the one in him, than the one in the world.  I need to remind him of these truths so that when the enemy comes to lie about who he is, he will not believe it. I guess, though, for me to remind him, I need to know it in my heart, too.  After all, how can I give him something I don’t have? 

TheGift I Never Dreamed Of...

It’s funny how we think we know what we need in life.  The thing is, most of the time we don’t.  We think we know what we can or can’t handle, what we want or don’t want and what will bring us joy in our lives.  I have to say that it is not I but God who always knows best.  We spend so much of our lives in a control mode that most of the time we don’t even ask God what it is that He has for us.  Sometimes He just has to hit us over the head with it, and sometimes even then we push away what He’s trying to give to us. 

The past few years have been a very interesting time for me.  I had no idea that my life would radically change 16 months ago when God added a new member to our family,  Allie.  I was so shocked when I learned that I was going to have her…I even cried for about 3 months straight.  It was not an easy time for me at all, considering that I’m really NOT a kid/baby type person.  I love it when they get older, but I never really know how to handle little kids very well.  I kept playing the difficult scenarios over and over in my mind…sleepless nights, temper tantrums, potty training, and all of the fun stuff that comes along with having a young child. I thought I was done with diapers. I was not wanting this at all—But God had a different plan.  A plan that included one of the most heart warming, beautiful gifts that has ever been given to me.  A gift that, at that time, I didn’t want.  That gift was my surprise daughter, Allie.

Can I just say that this girl has changed my life?  I don’t ever remember enjoying my children as much at this age as I do her.  Maybe I’m just older and know what a blessing she is.  Maybe I know she’s my last.  Or maybe God gave me a second chance to enjoy a season of my children’s lives that I rushed past the first 3 go rounds.  I don’t know, but she’s such a joy in my life.  She makes me smile so much, and for that, I’m so grateful. I can’t even bear to imagine what my life would be like without her now. 

Thinking about her makes me wonder how many other gifts God gives me that I simply don’t accept because I don’t feel like it….or maybe I’ve defined myself in a way that excludes the very thing that God is trying to do in my life to bless me.  I remember saying a couple of years ago over and over… “I’m not a kid person.  There’s no way I could ever watch children or work with kids.”  Literally, just a few months later God put it on my heart to watch 2 children at my home.  And, while I was watching them, I found out that I was pregnant with number 4.  God always knows what He’s doing. 

How many people or opportunities have I pushed away that might be just the answer to a hurt inside of me that needs healing, simply because I don’t feel like opening up?  How many walls have I erected around my heart not letting others in to see the real me, in fear that they won’t really like who I am? 

I could’ve continued to be upset with the fact that I was having another baby and resented Allie for the rest of my life.  I could’ve been angry with God for giving me another child to take care of which, in turn,  “ruined my plans.”  But, instead, I allowed God to change my heart.  Yes, it took time…lots of time, but the very thing that I thought I never wanted was exactly the gift God gave me to show me His great love for me. 

Maybe God is trying to bless you with a gift that you just keep pushing away?

Maybe that gift is Jesus.  Maybe a friend.  Maybe He’s trying to bless you with a new ministry but you’ve been so hurt by something else that you’re not even listening to Him. 

Let me encourage you…keep your heart soft towards God.  He will bless you in ways that you can’t even dream of if you’ll just let Him.  Just look at my gift…What a treasure!

Friend. What a Beautiful Word!

Friend.  What a Beautiful Word!  

      To me there is no more beautiful word in life than the word “friend.”  A friend to me is a precious gift.  A wonderful treasure. Something that we don’t deserve in this life, but God chooses to bless us with, just because.  The word friend and all the meaning behind it for me fills my heart with deep gratitude and love.  Why?  Because I've had such great and amazing friends throughout my life. Some people come and go, but nobody who has ever been a friend to me is ever forgotten.  It’s amazing how one person can change your life forever.  One little friend who somehow makes their way inside your heart, has the power to create so much joy and love that you simply can’t contain it.  One word of encouragement from a friend can change the whole course of your life. 

        It is vital in our lives, as friends, to learn to love beyond measure. To love beyond ourselves and show others their true value.   To treat the ones that are in our lives as the gift that they really are.  Everyone is a gift.  Even the ones who create “problems” in our lives.  You have to remember that someone’s true value comes straight from Jesus.  Remember who He says we are. 

He created all of us and we need to constantly remind those that God has placed in our paths that they are amazing.  Constantly.  All the time. Did I say constantly?  In fact, you can’t tell someone these things too much. It’s simple and the best thing is that it costs nothing!  

        Look at your friend and say these words:  “You are amazing.”  Look at your spouse and say it… “You are a gift.  I thank God for you.”  Tell your children what a treasure they are.  Tell your parents that you appreciate them.  Never stop blessing and encouraging others with your words.  It means so much more than you could ever imagine.

       

        We simply cannot hear these words enough.  If I was reminded everyday by those around me that I’m a blessing, life would probably feel a lot lighter. So, in the midst of it all, I can choose to be that person.  I can choose to love and encourage, and hopefully by doing so it will help others to be that person also. 

        Just so you know the best gift you could ever give someone is the gift of YOU. Your time, your heart, your love.  YOU.  Because you are the treasure, not your actions.

            I can’t ever finish a blog without mentioning my very best friend…and that is Jesus.  He is the ultimate friend of all friends.  He never leaves my side.  Many days I feel alone in this season of my life, but I never am.  I am never alone.  My friend, Jesus, is always right here with me, whispering to me how much He loves me.  Telling me that he will never, ever, leave.  What a friend we have in Jesus.  What a gift He’s given us with His friendship.  What a gift we have in each other.    

Yesterday Was Terrible...But...

Yesterday was terrible.  For some reason it seemed like everything went wrong.  The funny thing is, though, as I look back at what actually happened, there really was nothing that was so much out of the ordinary.

The 3 older kids went back to school after break and I was at home again with Allie, who, I should mention, decided to get up precisely at 5:17am.  I found it quite humorous simply because I had decided to start waking up at 5:15 for my time with Jesus.  So, I wake up and before I had a chance to even turn on the light I hear her crying in the monitor.  No big deal. 

As the day progressed I started feeling quite anxious.  The devil was coming at me from so many different directions, and I simply allowed him to.  It’s like I had a big target on my chest.  I didn't feel like fighting.  It’s much easier to get upset and be miserable than to fight the enemy…so that’s exactly what I did.  I allowed him to temporarily convince me that I had no purpose in life.  That my dreams were worthless, and that I’m, yet again, stuck at home not making a difference in anyone’s life.  Not doing what He’s called me to do.  Something I loved to do was taken away from me, so I totally felt vision-less, worthless and like my life has had and will have no bearing in this world whatsoever.  On top of all that I felt like an extreme hypocrite. 

“How can I write a book about freedom and overcoming all of this when I’m back where I was before?  How can I “Live Free, Like I’m 3,” when I can’t even control my temper and my attitude?  Why can’t I ever get this, God?  In fact, where are you anyway, God?  I know you say you’re here, but I don’t feel you!  Help!”  Then silence…no trace of an answer from God anywhere.  Then, of course, Allie starts in again and the cycle starts all over.  I was alone all day with no one else to talk to…but trapped because of my “gift” that God had given me, and a terrible attitude to go along with it.

This is a cycle I know all too well.  I’ve been here before…in fact, I’ve camped here before for a very long time.  But I know differently now. 

I was so wrong.  The day was bad, simply because I bought into the lies of the enemy.  I know the truth.  I didn't believe it, though.  I wanted to feel bad.  After all, I don’t get to do what I want.  Poor, lonely, me.  

Wait a second...this doesn't sound like Jesus! This isn't the truth! Why is it that my heart wants to focus on the negative?  I have so much in my life…so many blessings, so many people who love me, so many things God has done, not to mention the fact that I have a relationship with the all-powerful, loving, creator of the universe, who I like to call my Father and friend.  Wow.  What was I thinking?  I know now, that the devil’s number one attack is to convince us that we are not who God says we are.  I don’t know how many times I heard in my heart just yesterday, “you’re not a good mom.  A good mom would keep her cool.  A good mom could do the laundry and have it done.  A good mom…etc.”  He almost convinced me again that I was not good enough. 

WHAT?  Wait, stop right there.  I've bought into that before, but NOT AGAIN.  You might be able to make me feel bad, but deep down I KNOW who I am.   I am a child of the almighty God.  I was bought at a price.  I am a beautiful daughter and princess.  I am who GOD says I am.  I AM ENOUGH.  Just because certain days I might not feel like it, the TRUTH is that I am.  The same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in me.  HE LIVES IN ME!  I can do all things through Christ.  No weapon formed against me will prevail.  I am never alone because God says He will never leave. Not only that, His plans for me are to prosper me, not to harm me.  Plans to give me a hope and a future.  And THAT’s the truth.  I am gorgeous.  Even though I had a baby 3 months ago and I've got some gray hair, I am beautiful.  No question about it.  How is it possible for me to be anything else??  Don’t you get it?  GOD made me.  It's impossible to be anything but what HE made me.  That’s who I am!  Whether or not I believe it or live it is up to me, but at my core I am amazing. I have a purpose. I am loved.  We all are. Every single one of us.  Period. And today, I will choose life.  I choose to believe the truth and to tell the enemy to go back to where he belongs! 

"Thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere." 2 Corinthians 2:14

So You Messed Up and Had a Bad Day? So What?

So You Messed Up and Had a Bad Day?  So What?

Today wasn't my best.  It started off great, and then something happened, which happens honestly just about every single morning.  One of my kids decided they couldn't get ready on time so I lost it.  My impatience overtook me and on a very important day in her life, I got so upset that she began to cry.  Not a good moment at all.  I felt awful and kept wondering why is it that I continually battle against myself?  Why do I let my emotions get the best of me, and then take it out on the very people I love the most?

The rest of the day wasn't terrible, except that after that moment I was on edge.  Everything that went wrong seemed to irritate me to no end, and I was constantly on everyone’s case.  Ugh.  I don’t like when I act like this.  I know that this is not who I am, or who God has made me to be.  So, what do I do about it?

In the past I would feel terrible.  It would completely ruin not only one day, but my week, and on top of feeling guilty for my actions I would feel in the wrong for feeling guilty and letting it control me.  It was a horrible cycle to be in and I just couldn't get out of it…that is, until the power of God moved in my life. 

I realized, by God’s grace, that the problem wasn't necessarily my actions, but it was my identity.  Not only did I feel bad about what I did, I felt bad about who I was.  My actions defined me.  I thought of myself as a “bad mom and a bad wife.”  I thought I was a failure.  I thought I was stuck in a rut, never to be able to change.  I mean, after all, I was a Christian, right, so I shouldn't act this way.  If I’m a Christian already and act this poorly, then how in the world am I going to show others Christ’s love?  I mean, how can I be qualified to love others if I can’t even love my own children right?

This thought pattern is so wrong and such a trap from the enemy.  So what do we do about it?  What do we do when we go down the wrong path one moment or one day and lose it? 

We get back up.  We repent.  We move on.  We don’t let it define who we really are.  That is precisely what I’ve done today.  Yes it’s been bad.  Yes I've fallen short.  Yes, I've missed the mark.  BUT, I've repented.  I’ve asked for forgiveness from my daughter and the others I've not treated well.  That’s all I can do.  My actions today don’t define who I am at my core.  I messed up, but I am a beautiful creation of God.  I am a wonderful mother and wife.  I am free in Christ to be ALL that He made me to be.  I don’t stay down in the dumps anymore. I don’t dwell on it and let Satan try to tell me that I’m no good.  The fact is, I’m great, because God made me that way.  There is absolutely NOTHING else I can be, but great. Nothing!  Whether I act like it every day might change, but I know without a doubt in the core of my being that I am amazing.  It’s just a fact.  It’s the absolute truth. 

In the mean time I will work on my actions so they are more like Christ.  Yes, He convicts me and prunes me because He loves me. His love empowers me to overcome.  Christ does NOT condemn his children.

So you messed up?  What are you going to do about it?  Will it ruin your life?  Ruin your kids’ lives and your family’s life?  Absolutely not!! Get back up and run your race.  You can’t run very fast if you’re always beat up and lying on the ground.  God wants you to know that there is absolutely nothing you can do that He hasn't forgiven.  Receive it, make things right, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and move on.  Yes, it’s that simple.  Jesus paid your debt, you don’t owe anything.  Jesus didn't die on the cross for us to wallow in self pity and condemnation.  He died to set us free.  And We ARE FREE INDEED!! 

thoughts on friends...

Friends. How I love friends.  Sometimes they are just what the doctor ordered.  God made friends, and oh how I thank Him for that precious gift.  Whether the friend comes in the form of a sister, mother, husband or someone else God divinely places in your life, they are a gift.  Whether they encourage you with a word spoken at just the right time or if God uses them to challenge you in a way that’s just plain uncomfortable, they are a treasure. If they get under your skin because of theyway they act or if they are easy to love, they are in your life for a reason. 

Friends to me are simply family in disguise.  I believe just as much as God places us in a family, He also divinely places us with friends.  Friends that are, just like family, entrusted to our care.  We are not to take these for granted.  They are precious, just as family is precious.  Just as much as your children are a gift, so is a friend.  As I once heard it put, blood is thicker than water, but the Spirit is  thicker than blood.  When God gives us brothers and sisters in the Lord, they ARE family.  They are meant to be encouraged, loved, and challenged.  They are meant to be close to our hearts and souls.  We are meant not only to love blood family deeply, but also love the family of God deeply as well.  People are divinely placed in our lives to for us to learn from and be a blessing to. 

So many times when things get tough between friends we want to run.  We want to give up.  After all, they’re not family, so there’s no real commitment there, right?  Can I be honest with you?  I believe friends are for eternity.  When God puts them in your life we are to be committed to them.  We are to be the best friend we can be.  Sure, you can’t be that way with every person that crosses your path, but you know which ones play that part in your life.  There are people you know are in your life to bless you, challenge you and to encourage you.  Just like with family, there are some friends that are simply a bit strange and very difficult to be around.  But without them, our lives would simply be dull. 

I have many friends, and what’s great is that every single one is different.  Every one of them challenges me in a different way.  I’m called to steward these precious people the best way I know how.  They are gifts.  They might only be in my life for a season, but they are in my heart forever.  God calls us to be friends with certain people He knows we need.  Sometimes it’s not always who we want it to be, but it is always who is best for us and our growth. 

I have learned so much about friendship.  Loving someone when you don’t feel or receive love in return is key.  Friendship is always putting yourself out there. Friendship is always about the other person, never about you.  Friendship is not about what you can get from someone, but what you can give to them.  Friendship is loving someone in spite of their flaws…and enjoying the differences. Friendship is vulnerability. Friendship is commitment…even when someone lets you down, you love.  After all, that’s what Jesus does, right?  Friendship is giving, receiving, and always laying down your life for the other.  Friendship is fun.  Friendship is fulfilling.  Friendship spurs you to be closer to the ultimate friend…the perfect friend, Jesus.  He’s the friend we all aspire to be like.  The friend who sticks closer than family.  The friend who constantly pursues even though He is rejected over and over again.  The one who gave up His life for us. 

How about you?  Do you give up your life for the people God placed in your path?  I’m not talking about your kids here, but the relationships outside of your family…We all give up our lives for our children to a degree.  Do you lay down your time for a friend in need?  Do you lay down your life for others?

Sounds an awful lot like marriage, doesn't it?  It’s NEVER about what we can get.  We need to get all we can from Jesus.  Be full of His love and acceptance and then Go out and give.  Give love with no expectations. Love and be grateful for everyone God puts in your life.  You never know when they won't be there anymore!

You Are What You See

I found something written a few years back...at the beginning of writing a book stage.  Pretty fun read.
Enjoy!

  You are what you see…

I've heard it said so many times…”that show doesn't affect me at all. I can watch it and it will never change the way I think or act…”  Well, as much as we’d like that to be true, it simply is not.  We really become like the world that is around us.  We start speaking like what we hear, living like what we see and acting like the people that we spend the most time with.  Having children simply has opened my eyes to this fact.  My kids are just like I am!  The things I see in them that I don’t like are the exact same things that I see in me.

I have so many stories as a mom that completely demonstrates this truth.

 Of course as parents we have things that we say that we’d never want our children to say.  My husband and I bought a brown and tan miniature daschund named Rudy about a year after we got married.  We already had a cat, but we always wanted a dog, so while we were yet childless, we decided to go ahead and make the plunge.  Actually, Chris decided to get Rudy without my knowledge.  I was away for a weekend retreat and he said he had a surprise for me when I returned.  It was a great surprise, except for all the “accidents” that happened in the house that always needed to be cleaned up.  I remember waking up at about 2 am to that lovely smell of Rudy’s “accident” during the night and having to clean up a mess on our carpet. That was NEVER fun.  After the initial stages of dog ownership passed and Rudy became house trained, he became like a child to us.  Let me just say, he was not lacking any attention whatsoever.  Rudy, as he well knew, was the main object of all our affection until that dreaded day (at least in Rudy’s eyes it was dreaded) when Laurin, our oldest was born.  Rudy and the cat, Naomi, then got the shaft. I think it was then that they decided to form a pact that they were going to get our attention back, no matter what it took.  They were merely animals now that there was a child, our precious daughter, in the house.  Well, to make a long story short, they both started to go around marking their territory on just about everything in the house.  The cat would mark her territory (that, or the litter box hadn’t been changed in a while) and then Rudy would follow suit behind her to “cover it up.”  The corners of our couch were always saturated with urine and the carpet had been used as a restroom so much that there were light yellow stains that we couldn’t get out.  Needless to say, we would get very upset when we’d step in or find that common wet spot on the corner of our bed, and some near expletives would come out of our mouths. “That freakin’ dog! He is so stupid!  Rudy come here, you dummy!”   So, when Rudy and Laurin had a few days with the grandparents, Rudy decided to pull a fast one at their house too.  He peed on the corner of my parents’ bed, and guess who found it?  Laurin did.  The first thing out of her mouth, as a 2-year old, was exactly what we did NOT want her to say, but exactly what she’d heard us say when Rudy did that kind of thing.  “You freaking dog, Rudy!”  And of course her Grammy was right there listening to every word.  “Where did you learn to talk like that, Laurin?” she asked.  “Well, mommy says that when Rudy pees on her bed!” 

While I could’ve said a lot worse things, to my mom, hearing that expression coming out of her 2 year old granddaughter’s mouth wasn’t that appealing.  I’m sure she got a good laugh out of it, but she was surprised that I, her daughter that she raised to not say things like that, would actually let something like that slip.  Yes, it is definitely the truth. We become like what we are around.  It is inevitable.  I have story after story like this with my kids, so I’ll share one more...

I absolutely love the movie “Hairspray.”  It has great music in it, and it is definitely a clean, family movie, right?  Well, that’s what I thought until we decided to let our kids watch it.  Hope and Laurin, just like their mommy, fall in love with the music and the characters and would go dancing around the house singing at the top of their lungs, “Good Morning Baltimore!”  We even downloaded the soundtrack and would dance and sing to it while we were in the van.  There’s not much music out there that will make you dance and sing like the music that is in “Hairspray.”  Not to mention, Link, the main actor, is kind of cute too! It was adorable to watch the kids with their fake microphones going around the house singing until one day we realized that she picked up much more than just the good music.  The one and only bad word in the movie that comes out of the handsome Link’s is the one Hope decided to learn.  While the kids were spending the night with Nana and Grandpa(Chris’s mom & Dad) one evening  and they were tucking her in to go to sleep, she proceeded to tell Nana to “kiss my a__!”  Nana, of course, was very surprised and told Hope that she probably shouldn’t say that word. After saying good night I’m sure she got a great laugh and probably wondered what in the world her parents were letting her watch! 

While there definitely is some humor in these stories, there is a deep truth that simply watching these kids has made me realize.  What goes into our minds and hearts, WILL come out one day. It will—no questions asked.  It is so important that we not only teach our kids not to say certain words or to watch certain things, but that we also keep ourselves from being around others and watching certain things that would cause us to say and do things that we’d never want our children to do.  I mean, why have a double standard?  If we’re going to make sure the kids eat a balanced diet and don’t watch bad movies, why would we treat ourselves any differently? It just doesn’t make sense.  We’ve all heard it said many times before that “our actions speak louder than our words.”  It doesn’t matter what we say nearly as much as what we do, right? 

            I know, at least for me, I want to be the best me that I can be.  Sometimes it means we need to cut out things that we might enjoy, so we can be better in a certain area of life.  Maybe we’re extremely impatient with our husbands or children and don’t treat them the way we would like to.  Well, maybe we should surround ourselves with friends who encourage us to get better in these areas…friends who’ll encourage us to grow to be better.  The more we spend time with people we want to be like, the more we really will start possessing the qualities that drew us to them in the first place.  It’s just like our children.  We never want them to hang out with “the bad crowd” because we know that we don’t want them to become that way.  It’s the same for us!  We shouldn’t be watching the shows or surrounding us with people who do things that aren’t the way we want to be.  Granted, nobody’s perfect, but you get what I mean.  You might even want to look in the mirror and ask “Am I someone people naturally want to be around because I’m a good example?”  If so, great!  If not, then maybe you should start looking around at the people you hang out with the most.  Are their negative attitudes and words affecting who you are and the way you act? 

            Just remember that what goes in always comes out…whether it’s good or bad!  So, it’s simple.  Just keep putting more and more encouraging “stuff” inside, and watch yourself gradually change for the better.