A Couple of Thoughts on Deep Friendships

A couple of thoughts on deep friendships…
Through the course of my life I’ve had the privilege of having many close friends. Some of my friends have come and gone, yet many have remained constant through the years. They have been with me through many trials, through joys and tears and through it all. Even though the relationships change over the years because of location, marriage, or other life changes, I have to say that I am deeply thankful for the true friendships that God has brought into my life. I may only talk to some of these friends a few times a year, but when we talk it’s as if there’s a deep connection…one that will always be there. A depth that occurs from living through and sharing deep experiences together. A depth that comes from shedding tears together, sharing joys, as well as simply living day to day life as part of one another’s path. Spending time together laughing and talking, playing games, going on fun outings with groups, or just one on one conversation over dinner or on the phone. One of my very favorite things to do and probably some of the most memorable times with friends is simply being in a car with them. Even if it’s a trip to a local restaurant and back, there’s nothing (in my mind) like spending time together with someone in a car. I’ve had so many wonderful times and conversations riding together with others. So many stories are told, both funny and serious, and even deep ministry has occurred for me just riding together with others.
What a true blessing friendship is and has been in my life. As seasons have changed throughout the years, some friends from the previous season remain, but God also chooses to bless me with new friends to share these new experiences with, and I get the chance to start all over again…yet keep my life long friends! I get to make even more life long friends as time goes by and it is so exciting for me...of course it can be scary, but I always enjoy getting to make new friends.
I know that I’ve made many, many, mistakes as a friend, but there definitely are some things that I’ve learned about being a good friend over the years. One thing that I’d say tops the list is expectation. I used to carry so many expectations into my relationships and end up being hurt almost everyday. If someone didn’t call me back or respond I’d feel deeply rejected by them and think they didn’t like me, or didn’t want me around. I’ve learned over the years, to truly be thankful for the time I get to share with my friends, not putting unreasonable expectations on the friendship solely to meet my needs. I’ve learned that I’m in the relationship to love and serve the other person first. I’m not in it to receive love or to fill some deep need, although in a good relationship receiving love is most likely to happen. I’m not even in the friendship to receive encouragement or some other need I might have…I’m in it to serve and to bless the friend that God has placed in my path, trusting that God will bring that love and encouragement that I need…maybe through that friend, or maybe (even better) through my relationship with Him.
I’ve also realized throughout the years that friendships are not always easy. I’ve shed many, many, many tears over broken friendships and even when I was confused or unsure about a friend’s love toward me. Many times I’ve been left in the dark wondering “what in the world is she thinking?” “Did I do something to offend her,” or “maybe I’m asking too much..” I’ve honestly come to understand during these times that I need to be free to be me. If I feel like God is putting it on my heart to serve a friend or bless them in some way then I need to do it regardless of what I think the friend I’m doing it for might think about me. Sometimes I feel like God wants me to do something for someone and I don’t always feel like doing it! Sometimes I honestly believe that God asks me to do something to make sure my motive is truly to bless the other person, not expecting something in return. I love going out of my way to bless others, and how a friend receives the blessing is truly between them and God. Of course, most will receive it with a smile, but maybe won’t always let you know that your gift was appreciated.
One more thought on friendships…if you really love someone and appreciate them in your life, let them know. Be vulnerable and put yourself out there. If you’re secure in your relationship with Jesus, it won’t matter as much what the other person thinks. So many times I’ve let moments pass because I was too afraid that maybe the other person might not love me as much as I love them. If someone is your friend and you are thankful for them, tell them often. Period. Does it really matter that much if that person loves you as much as you love them? Remember, God has put them in your life for a reason. Telling people how you feel brings a confidence and a security in the friendship that can’t be described. When I know I’m loved by a friend I feel much more free in the relationship. If I’m not sure someone really wants to be in the relationship, then I’m always wondering, and looking for any signal that might indicate that they feel the same way. Too many friendships only reach a certain depth because of fear. Fear of rejection and vulnerability. People are afraid that if someone gets to know the “real you” then they wouldn’t actually want to be your friend. That is so NOT TRUE! The more I get to know someone, their past, thoughts, concerns, fears, etc, the more I love them and appreciate them. That’s why God gives us these deep friends to share life with!
So remember…serve your friends, expect nothing (but appreciate everything), and tell them OFTEN how much you appreciate them being in your life. I don't think you can over do it. Oh, and never ever forget to thank God every day for the gifts that He has given you of deep life long friendships…He is the ultimate friend, and the only friend that won’t ever disappoint!