thoughts on friends...

Friends. How I love friends.  Sometimes they are just what the doctor ordered.  God made friends, and oh how I thank Him for that precious gift.  Whether the friend comes in the form of a sister, mother, husband or someone else God divinely places in your life, they are a gift.  Whether they encourage you with a word spoken at just the right time or if God uses them to challenge you in a way that’s just plain uncomfortable, they are a treasure. If they get under your skin because of theyway they act or if they are easy to love, they are in your life for a reason. 

Friends to me are simply family in disguise.  I believe just as much as God places us in a family, He also divinely places us with friends.  Friends that are, just like family, entrusted to our care.  We are not to take these for granted.  They are precious, just as family is precious.  Just as much as your children are a gift, so is a friend.  As I once heard it put, blood is thicker than water, but the Spirit is  thicker than blood.  When God gives us brothers and sisters in the Lord, they ARE family.  They are meant to be encouraged, loved, and challenged.  They are meant to be close to our hearts and souls.  We are meant not only to love blood family deeply, but also love the family of God deeply as well.  People are divinely placed in our lives to for us to learn from and be a blessing to. 

So many times when things get tough between friends we want to run.  We want to give up.  After all, they’re not family, so there’s no real commitment there, right?  Can I be honest with you?  I believe friends are for eternity.  When God puts them in your life we are to be committed to them.  We are to be the best friend we can be.  Sure, you can’t be that way with every person that crosses your path, but you know which ones play that part in your life.  There are people you know are in your life to bless you, challenge you and to encourage you.  Just like with family, there are some friends that are simply a bit strange and very difficult to be around.  But without them, our lives would simply be dull. 

I have many friends, and what’s great is that every single one is different.  Every one of them challenges me in a different way.  I’m called to steward these precious people the best way I know how.  They are gifts.  They might only be in my life for a season, but they are in my heart forever.  God calls us to be friends with certain people He knows we need.  Sometimes it’s not always who we want it to be, but it is always who is best for us and our growth. 

I have learned so much about friendship.  Loving someone when you don’t feel or receive love in return is key.  Friendship is always putting yourself out there. Friendship is always about the other person, never about you.  Friendship is not about what you can get from someone, but what you can give to them.  Friendship is loving someone in spite of their flaws…and enjoying the differences. Friendship is vulnerability. Friendship is commitment…even when someone lets you down, you love.  After all, that’s what Jesus does, right?  Friendship is giving, receiving, and always laying down your life for the other.  Friendship is fun.  Friendship is fulfilling.  Friendship spurs you to be closer to the ultimate friend…the perfect friend, Jesus.  He’s the friend we all aspire to be like.  The friend who sticks closer than family.  The friend who constantly pursues even though He is rejected over and over again.  The one who gave up His life for us. 

How about you?  Do you give up your life for the people God placed in your path?  I’m not talking about your kids here, but the relationships outside of your family…We all give up our lives for our children to a degree.  Do you lay down your time for a friend in need?  Do you lay down your life for others?

Sounds an awful lot like marriage, doesn't it?  It’s NEVER about what we can get.  We need to get all we can from Jesus.  Be full of His love and acceptance and then Go out and give.  Give love with no expectations. Love and be grateful for everyone God puts in your life.  You never know when they won't be there anymore!

You Are What You See

I found something written a few years back...at the beginning of writing a book stage.  Pretty fun read.
Enjoy!

  You are what you see…

I've heard it said so many times…”that show doesn't affect me at all. I can watch it and it will never change the way I think or act…”  Well, as much as we’d like that to be true, it simply is not.  We really become like the world that is around us.  We start speaking like what we hear, living like what we see and acting like the people that we spend the most time with.  Having children simply has opened my eyes to this fact.  My kids are just like I am!  The things I see in them that I don’t like are the exact same things that I see in me.

I have so many stories as a mom that completely demonstrates this truth.

 Of course as parents we have things that we say that we’d never want our children to say.  My husband and I bought a brown and tan miniature daschund named Rudy about a year after we got married.  We already had a cat, but we always wanted a dog, so while we were yet childless, we decided to go ahead and make the plunge.  Actually, Chris decided to get Rudy without my knowledge.  I was away for a weekend retreat and he said he had a surprise for me when I returned.  It was a great surprise, except for all the “accidents” that happened in the house that always needed to be cleaned up.  I remember waking up at about 2 am to that lovely smell of Rudy’s “accident” during the night and having to clean up a mess on our carpet. That was NEVER fun.  After the initial stages of dog ownership passed and Rudy became house trained, he became like a child to us.  Let me just say, he was not lacking any attention whatsoever.  Rudy, as he well knew, was the main object of all our affection until that dreaded day (at least in Rudy’s eyes it was dreaded) when Laurin, our oldest was born.  Rudy and the cat, Naomi, then got the shaft. I think it was then that they decided to form a pact that they were going to get our attention back, no matter what it took.  They were merely animals now that there was a child, our precious daughter, in the house.  Well, to make a long story short, they both started to go around marking their territory on just about everything in the house.  The cat would mark her territory (that, or the litter box hadn’t been changed in a while) and then Rudy would follow suit behind her to “cover it up.”  The corners of our couch were always saturated with urine and the carpet had been used as a restroom so much that there were light yellow stains that we couldn’t get out.  Needless to say, we would get very upset when we’d step in or find that common wet spot on the corner of our bed, and some near expletives would come out of our mouths. “That freakin’ dog! He is so stupid!  Rudy come here, you dummy!”   So, when Rudy and Laurin had a few days with the grandparents, Rudy decided to pull a fast one at their house too.  He peed on the corner of my parents’ bed, and guess who found it?  Laurin did.  The first thing out of her mouth, as a 2-year old, was exactly what we did NOT want her to say, but exactly what she’d heard us say when Rudy did that kind of thing.  “You freaking dog, Rudy!”  And of course her Grammy was right there listening to every word.  “Where did you learn to talk like that, Laurin?” she asked.  “Well, mommy says that when Rudy pees on her bed!” 

While I could’ve said a lot worse things, to my mom, hearing that expression coming out of her 2 year old granddaughter’s mouth wasn’t that appealing.  I’m sure she got a good laugh out of it, but she was surprised that I, her daughter that she raised to not say things like that, would actually let something like that slip.  Yes, it is definitely the truth. We become like what we are around.  It is inevitable.  I have story after story like this with my kids, so I’ll share one more...

I absolutely love the movie “Hairspray.”  It has great music in it, and it is definitely a clean, family movie, right?  Well, that’s what I thought until we decided to let our kids watch it.  Hope and Laurin, just like their mommy, fall in love with the music and the characters and would go dancing around the house singing at the top of their lungs, “Good Morning Baltimore!”  We even downloaded the soundtrack and would dance and sing to it while we were in the van.  There’s not much music out there that will make you dance and sing like the music that is in “Hairspray.”  Not to mention, Link, the main actor, is kind of cute too! It was adorable to watch the kids with their fake microphones going around the house singing until one day we realized that she picked up much more than just the good music.  The one and only bad word in the movie that comes out of the handsome Link’s is the one Hope decided to learn.  While the kids were spending the night with Nana and Grandpa(Chris’s mom & Dad) one evening  and they were tucking her in to go to sleep, she proceeded to tell Nana to “kiss my a__!”  Nana, of course, was very surprised and told Hope that she probably shouldn’t say that word. After saying good night I’m sure she got a great laugh and probably wondered what in the world her parents were letting her watch! 

While there definitely is some humor in these stories, there is a deep truth that simply watching these kids has made me realize.  What goes into our minds and hearts, WILL come out one day. It will—no questions asked.  It is so important that we not only teach our kids not to say certain words or to watch certain things, but that we also keep ourselves from being around others and watching certain things that would cause us to say and do things that we’d never want our children to do.  I mean, why have a double standard?  If we’re going to make sure the kids eat a balanced diet and don’t watch bad movies, why would we treat ourselves any differently? It just doesn’t make sense.  We’ve all heard it said many times before that “our actions speak louder than our words.”  It doesn’t matter what we say nearly as much as what we do, right? 

            I know, at least for me, I want to be the best me that I can be.  Sometimes it means we need to cut out things that we might enjoy, so we can be better in a certain area of life.  Maybe we’re extremely impatient with our husbands or children and don’t treat them the way we would like to.  Well, maybe we should surround ourselves with friends who encourage us to get better in these areas…friends who’ll encourage us to grow to be better.  The more we spend time with people we want to be like, the more we really will start possessing the qualities that drew us to them in the first place.  It’s just like our children.  We never want them to hang out with “the bad crowd” because we know that we don’t want them to become that way.  It’s the same for us!  We shouldn’t be watching the shows or surrounding us with people who do things that aren’t the way we want to be.  Granted, nobody’s perfect, but you get what I mean.  You might even want to look in the mirror and ask “Am I someone people naturally want to be around because I’m a good example?”  If so, great!  If not, then maybe you should start looking around at the people you hang out with the most.  Are their negative attitudes and words affecting who you are and the way you act? 

            Just remember that what goes in always comes out…whether it’s good or bad!  So, it’s simple.  Just keep putting more and more encouraging “stuff” inside, and watch yourself gradually change for the better.

The Power of Touch

The power of touch…

I love touch.  I love to be comforted by others with a hug, a pat on the back, or simply just a hand on my shoulder.  It shows me that everything is going to be ok and that someone loves me.  It gives me a sense of comfort and peace like no other.  That’s exactly how God designed it.  Even though touch wasn’t a big part of my life growing up, it was something that I deeply needed, and as I’ve aged I realize that it was a definite deficit in my life.  Study after study indicates that touch is vital to the proper growth and development of children.  If touch is vital in that stage of our lives, then I have no doubt that it remains the same as we grow older.

I’ve been doing some studying recently on the power of vulnerability.  Touch is definitely part of this.  Extending yourself to give a hug to someone can be a bit scary if you’re not sure how they will receive it.  Even just putting your hand on someone’s back can be a bit daunting if we’re unsure of the relationship.  Of course there are those who grew up in a family of “touchers” where doing these types of things is second nature to them, but for me, it’s never easy to extend myself in this way.

I know when someone extends themselves to me with a hug or a simple hand on my shoulder it communicates much more than words ever could.  Think about scripture.  Jesus touched others when He healed them.  He held the little children when they came to him.  The bible instructs us to pray for others and lay our hands upon them as we do so to impart the Holy Spirit…how amazing is that!  Not only is it an encouragement, there also is something spiritual that can happen as we touch others and pray for them.

What a scheme from the enemy it is for us to be afraid of something that God obviously has intended for such encouragement.   How unfortunate is it when we become afraid of this gift of God because it’s been violated at some point in our lives. 

The power of a simple touch can bring healing in a time a of pain, comfort in the time of turmoil , and peace in a time of chaos. 

So, as the old commercial used to say so clearly, reach out and touch someone!

Here is a poem that I wrote when I was in high school about the power of a hug…not too shabby for all those years ago!

A Message from the Heart

There’s something in a little hug

That brightens up your day

It makes you feel so special and

Takes all your fears away

Nothing can compare to what

A hug can bring to you

It brings the love and strength you need

To see your hard times through

A hug will let you know you’re loved

And know that someone cares

It shows you that you have someone

Who always will be there

Hugs make it so much easier

To say goodbye to friends.

A hug will always let you know

That good times never end

So if you don’t give many hugs

You really need to start

For when you give a hug you send

A message from the heart.

A Poem for a Special Friend

A Poem

For a Special Friend...

Sometimes it’s hard for you to see

Just how amazing you are

Your kindness comes from Him above

Straight from your great big heart

God has made you so beautiful

You’re truly a masterpiece

He formed you to be who you are

And His love for you runs so deep

When I think of someone dear to me,

You’re the first that comes to mind

You probably don’t know the depth of joy

Your life brings to mine

I thank the Lord for you, my friend

For the time you’ve spent on your knees

For all of your encouragement

And for the strength it’s brought to me

I’ve wondered why on many occasions

Why God would bless me with you

Not too many people, you see

Have a friend as wonderful as you

When I think of you and the fun we’ve shared

It always makes me smile

I’m thankful for a friend like you

Who goes the extra mile

You’ve blessed many lives with your heart to give

And with your deep love you show

The greatness of our heavenly Dad

So others will come to know

You probably won’t realize while you’re on this earth

How many hearts God has touched

Through your life, my beautiful friend

Your life that means so much

So thank you, friend, thanks a bunch

For being just who you are

For God has made you extra awesome

And with you He’s touched my heart J

The Power of Encouragement...

Encouragement.  I love this word and the power behind it.  I love that we can encourage others and make a difference in someone’s life.  I love that a simple few words of encouragement have the power to change the course of someone’s life forever.  What a gift God has given us…why can it be so challenging to encourage?  Why do we let fear of rejection or anything else stop us from empowering others to take on the hardships they face helping them realize that they can overcome them?  Why do we sit and watch people go through a difficult time and say nothing or do nothing to build them up or encourage them that things truly will get better?

Encouragement is meant to be a daily feature of our lives.  We should find words or deeds of encouragement coming from us many times every single day.  Why?  Because every person that we encounter can use it.  Even if someone is having a good day, encouraging words make it better.  A smile makes it better.  A hug telling someone that you love them lifts spirits like you’ll never know.  Telling someone the truth about who they are…that they’re not a failure, but indeed a passionately loved child of God encourages them to continue on in life knowing that things aren’t so bad.  It’s truly amazing what simple words and actions can do. 

I know for me, encouraging others is one of my favorite things to do.  I’m not real good on the type of encouragement where you compliment someone’s shirt or hairdo.  While that is definitely a needed form, I like to go deep.  I enjoy telling others just how great they are.  I love to see someone’s reaction to it, because it’s really not too often that we’re told something like that.  We need to be reminded all the time that God made us great and that his love for us is never ending.  We need to know just how much others love us and that we are put on this earth for a reason, more that to just take up space and mess things up. 

Lately I’ve been dealing with major back issues.  It has honestly been one of the worst physical seasons of my life, and it truly came out of nowhere.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know where to turn.  I was laid out on the floor for many days because there simply wasn’t a comfortable position to be in.  Nothing alleviated the pain.  Strong painkillers helped me go to sleep, but the pain was still there.  Thankfully I’ve been on the upswing of this now for over a week, but it was miserable.  The best thing about it, however, is that it taught me that I NEED others.  I need them…not only do I want them, but I need them.  As much as I need God in my life, unfortunately He is not the one who took me to the doctor when I couldn’t barely walk to the car…a friend did.  He’s not the one who brought me dinner for 2 weeks straight because I couldn’t stand long enough to cook it…friends did that.  Yes it was all because of their love for Jesus and also for me.  While I desperately need God and His love and everything else he has to give, I also desperately need others. And, despite all of the pain I was in, it brought joy to my life and encouragement to know that someone cared enough about me to go out of their way to fix me dinner.  It blessed me more than can be put into words that friends picked me up and took me to the doctor when I couldn’t do it myself.  This was a perfect display of Galatians 6:2.  Bear one another’s burdens… It was amazing to me, and not only that, it lifted my spirits. 

We are called to encourage one another.  Scripture says:

1 Thessalonians 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Hebrews 3:13:  But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Hebrews 10:25  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Encouraging one another displays the heart of God.  Sometimes, honestly, it means you have to die to yourself to lift someone else up.  The beauty of it is, however, that as you die to yourself and do what God has called you to do, you will be encouraged even more.  I know that as I die to my desires and go out of my way for someone else it brings much joy to my life. 

The word encourage means “to bring courage.”  We are the light of the world! We are called to bring courage and light to those around us.  Can you imagine a better witness to those around us who don’t know Jesus?  If we simply were encouraging and kind to others, people would see who Jesus really is.  If we loved others like Christ loved us, we’d see a difference in the amount of friends we have…⁶ Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6.

Grace and love for others…patience, encouragement.  God is just that for us, and he encourages us to display that fruit to everyone around us. 

Give the encouragement that you desire from others. You’ll be surprised how quickly it’s turned back on you! Don’t be afraid that someone won’t take it the right way.  If it comes from the right heart, go for it! It’s exactly what God calls us to do.  

I challenge you to make it a point to encourage someone everyday.  Don’t go to bed at night if you haven’t.  It’s not that difficult.  A simple email or phone call is all it takes.  A pat on the back or smile can brighten anyone’s day.  Do it daily, and watch the difference you make around you.  You’ll be encouraged to see it!

Are You Tangled?

This morning when I was getting ready for my weekly women’s bible study, my daughter came to me and asked if her hair was brushed “good.” I took a glance at it and noticed it could use a little help so I grabbed a brush and started going to town. She had been brushing it for quite a while (for some reason it takes her FOREVER to brush her hair because she gets distracted) with a “nice brush” as we like to call them at our house and it wasn’t really going anywhere. It made it look better than before, but it never really got all the tangles out. When I came in with the “mean brush” the tangles came out, but, unfortunately they didn’t go away without some discomfort.
As I was brushing her hair it dawned on me that this is what our lives are like many times. We have so-called tangles in our lives from various things, either from the past or just all the crazy stuff that’s going on around us and we like to try to get rid of them ourselves. We know that if we fix it by ourselves that we can control the level of discomfort that is going to take place. The problem with this is that we, most times, will use the “nice brush” which only makes our hair look better, but not really get all of the tangles out. We are unable, without the help of Jesus, to get the difficult tangles out of our lives. If we allow him to come in with the “brush” that hurts a little, or sometimes even a lot, we will see things become untangled much quicker and better than we could ever do it ourselves with the “nice brush.”
So many of us have lots of deep hurts in our lives…things that nobody even really knows about. We get hurt by a friend or a family member or some other reason and we seem to bury the problem or pain and hope that it will eventually go away. It becomes a “tangle” that God wants to remove from your life so that you can be whole. It’s not always easy to look at the past issues or even deal with present problems, but God cares about YOU deeply. Sure, He cares about where you are going in life, who your spouse might be or even your next step in your career, but God deeply cares about seeing you become whole. He wants you to live a life of freedom. He wants to touch those deep parts of who you are and “get the tangles out” so you can be completely open and whole in His presence. His desire is for deep intimacy with us so that we can trust Him with whatever is going on in our lives. I believe that He wants us to walk through the pain with Him, not just bury it or try to push it aside. That never fixes anything.
I know for me, when God uses His “brush” it might hurt, but I’ve never felt so much love and even joy while he’s taking me through the process. When I’ve come out on the other side, my life is even more beautiful and free than it ever was before, and, on top of it all, I’ve experienced a new level of intimacy with Jesus that will never ever be taken away from me.
Trust God to get the tangles out of your life…ask Him where he wants to start, and he will show you. It is so worth it!

Can I Have this Dance?

What power there can be in a simple moment. God never ever ceases to amaze me with his overwhelming, beautiful, powerful love that he has for us…for me. Even as I write this I’m having a hard time holding back the tears…Yes, Jesus loves me. He loves me so much, way more than I can come close to comprehending. He really, truly, loves me with all the love He can give. I have no idea why, but He does.
A lot has been going on in my life lately. Things have gotten confusing because of some decisions we’ve made, and other decisions that have been presented to us. Decisions that will completely change our lives yet again. I’ve honestly grown very tired of having to be in a “transitional” state of life. It feels like we’ll never be settled. Of course, the great promise of God is that we always know where we belong if we’re with Him. He truly is the only thing constant in life, and I’ve been holding on to Him very tightly lately. Today while I was walking at the park, laying in the fall sun, and just trying to spend some time with Jesus, my mind was on other things. I was praying about everything going on, praying for friends, family, and just thinking even about all that I had to do. I’ve been feeling physically bad the past few days as well, so I was rather “blah” you might say while I was out there. Every now and then I’ll decide to put the ipod on shuffle, where I don’t have the control of what’s coming up next, and that’s what I did today. I was thinking about all of these things and as I looked down to see what was coming up next the song “Can I have this Dance?” from High School Musical 3 flashed across the screen. I heard Jesus loud and clear speaking directly to my heart, asking me a simple question: “Can I have this dance?” Tears immediately came and God showed me once again in one simple moment just how much he loves me.

What a powerful moment that was for me. In the midst of turmoil, sickness, and hurt Jesus came to me and simply wanted me. Nothing else. He didn’t want all the ways I serve him or anything that I could do for Him, He wanted my heart. He wanted to dance with me. So we did. I sobbed and sobbed to my best friend, the lover of my soul, the one who makes all things new…and that’s just what he did again. He caused my heart to well up with his amazing love and filled me to overflowing...all in an instant.

A simple question from Jesus: “Can I have this dance?” Amidst all of the crazy things going on in life, he gently asks, “Can I have this dance? I want to dance with you and love on you…I want to fill your heart and let you know just how special you are to me. I long to look into your eyes, face to face, so you can see just how much I delight in you. I desire for you to know that I love you, just the way you are and there is no one else like you. There is nothing more you can do to gain my attention…you’ve already captured me. I think about you all the time. Oh, you are so beautiful to me and I just want you…nothing else. Trust me, and I’ll lead the way. You’ll be safe with me…don’t be afraid to fall, I’ll catch you through it all.”
So, in the midst of the busyness of life, Jesus is whispering, “Can I have this dance?” In the middle of hardship, pain, or even joy, “can I have this dance?” When you feel like you’ve failed and you’re not worthy of anyone’s love, Jesus asks you, “Can I have this dance?” What an amazing gesture of love from our Father to us. A simple question that speaks volumes to one’s heart. “Why would God want to dance with me?”, you might ask. Simply because of His great love, and the fact that you are beautiful. Forget about everything else…all the struggles, sin, fear, insecurity, and everything else that might be getting in the way, and when you hear Him ask “Can I have this dance?” run into his arms and let him sweep you away in His presence. What an amazing Lord we serve.